Thursday, 25 December 2008

i remember that day really well
i just came out of the shower, my hair wet
with water still dripping
next thing i saw was my brother
his face held a lost expression and he told me, "He's gone."

i felt numb all over,
and i didnt know wht to do
my first thought was denial
i couldn't believe it
that guy who grew up with me
who allowed me to bully him
who spoilt me and let me have my selfish ways
i knew i had to go to the wake
but guess what ?

that day i had just came back from camp
so before i could even go,
i fell asleep.

afterwards was really bad
i kept blaming myself
the number of times i could have spent with him
the horrible things i've said
that i wish more then anything to take back

when he got admitted into the hospital
i never did visited him once
i always put it off
giving excuses like i had more important things to do
when he needed me the most

it wasn't easy.
it still isn't
on bad hair days, i miss him
and i still do beat myself up for everything i've done wrong
but i managed to move on
i was able to finally realize that things happen
and i learnt that a life is really precious

memories will always stay with me
the good and the bad
the joy and laughter
the fights and tears

my case may be different from yours
mine had no choice, yours did
mine had to go, yours didnt
i beat myself up for not being there for him
you beat yourself up for not noticing

he committed suicide
everyone thinks he'll just have to go to hell
after all, taking a life, no matter whose, is an unforgivable sin
but can you imagine this scenario?
whn he reaches heaven and has to go for judgement ?
and Jesus uses His blood and washes him clean

i don't know any other way to put this
and maybe, you dont really need someone to preach to you right now
but the fact still remains :
when Jesus came down to earth, He washed away our sins with His blood
likewise will continue to do so

dont lose your faith in Him
because He's with you right now
and His holding you, hugging you tight
whispering in your ear that everything's fine
it's just that everything else is flying by so fast
that you cant seem to hear Him
but i know
trust me
i know He's with you right now
carrying you as it hurts
He's grabbing your hands as you slip
and He won't let you fall
even if you do, He's going to fall with you
and He'll help you stand again

you have always seem so strong
and you still do
i look up to you for guidance, for help
for a shoulder to cry on, for a friendship that i hold dear
and when you cry it hurts
really badly
and it makes me want to take away the pain that's hurting you this way
iloveyou, girl. you're the best bigkid i can have
you always entertain my most ridiculous ideas
no matter how outrageous it gets
and whenever i get upset, i always run to you
i know i cant do much
even after all the things you do for me
i'm here for you always

for every ending there is a new beginning.
everyone falls, but only the strong ones can stand again
you're stronger than you know girl

Labels: grace

so we said; thee, thee, hear. 20:17