Saturday 30 October 2010

your voice used to make my heart pound.
but not anymoer

The music was pounding
My heart beat along with it
The bodies grinding
Hands feeling, stench of sweat high in the air

You were dead drunk
Face red, speech blurred
You were dead drunk
I tried to tell myself that, couldn’t survive if I didn't

- Under the Disco Ball

When do you know it's time to stop
Where exactly should you say enough
Time keeps going - it doesn't stop for you to make a decision
Yes or no makes a world of difference

- Mind-Fucking

so we said; thee, thee, hear. 03:47

Wednesday 27 October 2010

seems like i'm no longer laughing
seems like we're fighting more each day

i want to know
what are we fighting for

i'm afraid
sometimes you're like all of them
thrown together
to mess me up

sometimes
you talk to much
promise me empty promises
and do too little

sometimes
you don't talk at all
keeping everything to yourself
making me wonder what's going on

point 1 - what are we fighting for

what if we're at the end already
what if you're fighting for a pointless cause
what if we're not meant to be

maybe i'm thinking too much again
as usual
like normal

but you're not giving me
the security
to not think to much

point 2 - what if i'm right and you're wrong

what if i'm right about you
what if you're just in love with the idea of being in love
what if you subconsciously chose me because i was there

it's too easy
it's not supposed to be this easy
good things don't happen to me

i'm supposed to be disappointed
hurt and writhing in pain
i'm supposed to be left alone

point 3 - i'm tired, i'm sure you are too

aren't you
me being bitchy and unreasonable
you never taking the initiative

it's mind-fucking
we going over it almost EVERY SINGLE MONTH
it's more then enough

point 4 - i don't know anymore

we knew from the start
this might not have a happy ending
we kept hoping it would though

now i'm stuck in-between
to let go , or not to let go
i don't know about you (you never tell me anything)


i don't think you'll see this though
it's not as if you're those guy
who will give a shit a save my blog website somewhere
they do have this thing called favourites you know ?

i'm contradicting myself now
i know
it was just 8days ago when i said
"let's take it slow" and "if we work hard we'll make it"

i don't know
i'm having a migraine now
just from trying to figure us out

my Mr. Perfect in my head would go
"baby, we don't need figuring out.
there's you. and there's me.
and then, there's us. simple as that"

but it ain't fair to you
it isn't fair at all
i should be fair - or at least attempt to

but i don't know what to do anymore
i just don't

so we said; thee, thee, hear. 00:57

Friday 22 October 2010

maybe i should do it in blue

I DONT FREAKING KNOW
OHMYFREAKINGGOSH .

stressed out now.

byebye.

so we said; thee, thee, hear. 13:02

you told me not to plan to much
cause things never go the way you planned it

see that ?
that's where i'm thinking of going
after poly
if i'm serious about doing art
IF

it wont be easy
because

Tuition: $42,550.00
Room and Board*: $13,226.00
Books and supplies: $950.00
Personal expenses: $1,000.00
Total: $57,726.00
* Includes up to 14 meals per week.

and since i'm thinking about film

Undergraduate Division, Kanbar Institute of Film and Television

1. Each full-time undergraduate student must pay a nonreturnable laboratory fee per semester: $357.00
2. Each student must pay nonreturnable Equipment Insurance fees for designated courses per semester: $85.00
3. Each student must pay nonreturnable Liability Insurance fees per semester: $50.00
4. Each student must pay a projection fee of $14.00 per point.

so tell me
doesn't money make the world go round and round ?
because the total amount of fees i have to pay is
*drum roll*

USD$58,260.00 (exclusive of plane tickets by the way)

hmm wow
i should stop dreaming sometimes...

and besides coughing up blood and organs for tuition fees
i would have to compete with
billions of other applicants
for one miserly spot
billions of other like-minded or perhaps even more brilliant-minded applicants
because they (the school) require you to hand-in a portfolio
and most of them have been doing this for like what...
THEIR ENTIRE LIVES ?
and me ?
i just popped in like yesterday

i should really stop dreaming
and get my feet back on earth.

but then again
i AM heading off (or at least trying to) the City of Dreams...

so we said; thee, thee, hear. 03:07

Tuesday 19 October 2010

i get what you're saying
'cause, i'm not sure i'll make it either

but let's take it slow
shall we?
one tiny baby step at a time
we might make it
we might not

but i'm sure it'll be fun along the way
we'll fight
and scream at each other
we'll have a thousand more cold wars
but at the same time
we'll laugh, love and live
i'm not going anywhere at the moment
and i don't think you are either
so let's just take it slow
one day at a time
how's that ?

maybe then 3years will pass really fast
after all this one year did
then you and i
we'll be on a plane
off to god knows where
japan, uk, usa,
or maybe even just down at jb
but if we take it slow
and work real hard
i think
we'll probably make it


p.s. you smell wayy better =/ it's still weird though...

so we said; thee, thee, hear. 23:18

Wednesday 6 October 2010

mirror mirror on the wall
please tell me who's about to fall

There was a story once told
Of faeries and bluebirds
With sunshine and rainbows in the air

But they didn’t tell you
About the witches and crows
And the thunderstorms that came before

-The Forgotten Monsters in the Closet

I twist and turn
Moving along the beat
You hang onto me - trying to make me stop
I shrug your hand off
And kept on turning
“Why?” you had asked

-Reluctant Lover

someone sing 'Genius'
aha
tyvm

so we said; thee, thee, hear. 01:00

Monday 4 October 2010

maybe you just need to let go
to find the thing you're looking for

my phone bill is an awesome
$155
how on bloody effing earth it got there
i dont know

someone kill me please
i dont have much moon-lah to spare this month
argh.

had elaine's robin's marc's birthday tuh-day
ho-hums
learnt to play mahh-jongg
praise me
awesome marc sent me home
thou its wayy out of his way
(thanks much)

i need someone to study with.
anyone ?
hmm ?

ohgod

NEED TO MOVE.
i haven't got a clue what's wrong with me
everytime it's round the exam corner
i have a sudden need to move
run, swim, exercise
just an abnormal need to have the freaking wind blowing in my hair

i shouldn't say vulgarities
it's not lady-like
but i need to vent out some of this adrenaline
it's not healthy
argh.

god help me.

so we said; thee, thee, hear. 03:39

Saturday 2 October 2010

it's like heaven and earth
together with a pinch of hell

i have alot of jumbled up thoughts to say
or type
which ever you prefer

and i'm throwing it all here
making my blog a wonderful
dumpsite

so..



3



2


1
let's go.

superficial. face-value. pride.

ego has no place in a relationship.

i'm losing it
you know it
bah

my head's pounding
like everything wants to jump out at one shot
but it can't
so they are like pounding on my skull

screw-ups

two years back
i was sure that i could handle the heat
now im not too sure
it's fucked up out there
and i just want to curl up at home
in your arms
and sleep

get out of my face
pissing me off

shit
my vocab's getting worse
i'm finding it harder and harder to speak properly

i can't talk without stumbling these days
why's that i wonder

i can't find the words
my words
they're disappearing one by one

i feel a need to move
do something
i feeling like running
wasting all my energy till i can't move anymore

it's like living constantly on adrenaline rushes
and caffeine-highs
need to move
and soon

head-bang

help.

or not.

hmm

humm

shit.

so we said; thee, thee, hear. 22:41