Saturday, 12 September 2009

nobody ever said life's lessons were easy
they only said they might be sweet
too bad though
i had a bitter life's lesson today

then again
i had seen it coming
the only thing was
i didn't expect it to really happen

i have been trying really really hard to be rational
the whole damn day i have been fighting with myself
struggling to make sense of everything
giving stupid excuses for YOUR actions
when you dont deserve them at all

so shut the hell up
if you think im being really shitty right now
cause im sick and tired of being hurt by other people's actions
namely yours and a few others
but today i'm talking about yours
and i'm being REALLY irrational

wasn't the first time you did this
and i shouldn't have expected the first time to be the last
i take all the blame
for being naive and foolish

friendship is truly a fragile thing
like love
finding it isn't difficult
the ability to maintain it is the problem

friendship isn't judged by
the number of times you went out together
the number of secrets you share in between
or the number of clothes you guys keep exchanging

okay
maybe my view of friendship is different from yours
but then again, it's my blog
so whatever i say goes. HAH!

but let's get back to my story.

i judge friendship by alot of things
like how'd you'd help me when i need help
like when I'm in deep shit
and call you in the middle of the night
and just so happen you are awake
would you pick up my call and really listen
or would you just brush it off

and i should know
because i always happen to call people
between 1am to 3am
it's the time when I'm most vulnerable to my emotions
don't ask why

trust is another important factor
like how'd i can trust my dear sister robin and my big kid grace
because they really saved my ass more then once

and when the world decides to lie to me
will you tell me the truth
and help me change my ways?

then again
i could be foolish
naive
plain dumb
correction.
I AM

because i freaking saw it coming
i just didn't expect you to do such a thing
to me

and guess what?
cause you ha vent heard the best part yet
when i was screwed beyond hope of ever getting back on track
the very first fucking person i called was you

yes. you.
me. crying my ass out.
like i haven't got nothing to live for any longer.
me.
screwed so badly
i lost EVERYTHING
yeah everything.

to the newcomers of my blog,
i swear you've never seen me that way before
me crying? yeah, a little.
but when that f-ing b-tard broke up with me
i fell apart
and i never got back again.
maybe one day when i decide to trust you more
I'll tell you the whole story.
but not today.

and back to what i was saying before.

the first person i called was you
believing that somehow
you could make it right
trusting you

and i suppose you found it hilarious
wonderfully hilarious.
and it wasn't the first time
because if it were
i wouldn't be so fucking pissed
confused
and so damnably hurt
by someone so insignificant as you
well i sincerely hope you had a good laugh
honestly
or this pain wouldn't be worth all its trouble

I'm trying hard
to be what i should be
believing the positive side
but its really stupid to do so
especially when you've done it before

so honestly
i hope you're happy
or at least were happy
and don't bother feeling guilty
i haven't got a use for that.

i cant forgive you today
or tomorrow
or the in the months ahead
but maybe one day
I'll probably look back and think about things
and say, 'hell. who cares? live and let live.'
but unfortunately
that day isn't today.

When the bear was quite gone, the other Traveler descended from the tree, and humorously inquired of his friend what it was the Bear had whispered in his ear. "He gave me this advice," his companion replied. "Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger."

so we said; thee, thee, hear. 01:27