Monday, 20 August 2012

That's the color of a sunset
Of blood
Or precious stones

I bled for you but you couldn't see.
Yet when I walked away
You cursed at me

Opening old wounds
Falling from grace
Going back to the same routine

I can't hold on anymore
I'm slipping and sliding down
I'm losing my mind

I need to leave this hellhole
This place they call home
I call jail

I need to be a nobody
A passing stranger
A transient traveler

What went through you mind when you walked away?
Did you not think of me
And the scars you gave me with every step you took?

What were you thinking as the distance grew?
Did you not hear me
Screaming for you not to go?

Too late now
I'm broken all over
Damaged beyond repair

Don't cry
You did this to yourself
You don't deserve to cry

What will you do now?

Labels: Excerpt

so we said; thee, thee, hear. 05:40

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

Just like that, six months have gone by.
Six months since I've seen your face.
Four months since I've heard from you.
Your reaction was immediate and predictable.
You went out there, telling the whole world about us,
About me.
About how I betrayed you, hurt you and stabbed you in the back.
You told the world how I was pathetic and disgusting and a liar.
For all I know, you could have told the world I was a slut and a whore.
But that's not why I'm typing out this post today.
This is about me and my side of the story.

Why I'm doing it so late is not because I want to stir up more shit.
But because I need to get it off me.
I need to close the door on this chapter that has brought me a mixture of emotions that I never thought I feel.

I need to finally let go and move on.

We started off happy.
Like any other couple. We loved and laughed.
But thinking back now, we were wrong for each other.
We were together for the wrong reasons. We weren't meant for each other.

It was fun. But that was all it should have been.
Fun. Nothing serious. Nothing important.
Because this story we tried to write could never have a happy ending.

The fun wore off after awhile.
So did the novelty.
We started finding things that we weren't happy about in each other.
We were too different.
You believed you were westernized. You had your airs around you.
You were born in a different world than I was.
I believed I was a modern girl, who still held on to my roots.
I had different ideals and principles from you.

We started fighting more.
Both of us so stubborn, refusing to give in to each other.
I tried. To hold on.
I foolishly thought you were different. In a good way.
I begged you to stay.

It was humiliating for me to do that.
I may or may not have done many things in my life but begging people was something I had always refused to do.
You could not appreciate what I did.
You turned away.
You took me for a fool.
You even abused me verbally.
I never said anything. I suffered in silence.
To the point it cost me my health.
Still, I kept quiet.

I waited for you to see sense.
To see what I was trying to do.
I kept hoping for something that I knew, deep down, wouldn't come.
You didn't.

So I had enough.
I left.
I walked away from you after suffering in silence for six months.
How I managed to keep going was a miracle.

Then you started.
Talking bad about me online.
Tearing my reputation apart for the world to see.
Threatening me.
You reached out to our mutual friends.
Telling tales about me.
If they believed you, they are fools.
You even tried to bring my mother into the mess.
Still, I said nothing.

Then, it suddenly stopped.
You emailed me a few times, saying you were miserable without me.
That for a week you've been suffering.
Really? You want to compare what I went through to your miserable week?
I ignored you. You were no longer worth my time after all.
(I did wonder though, why ruin my reputation for the world to see and apologise personally? Did you think I was an idiot?)
I've seen through your ploys by then. I refused to fall for them again.

Slowly you finally realised that you couldn't do anything.
You realised that I wasn't being affected by you.
You no longer held any power over me.
You stopped contacting me.
But that did not stop the malicious posts you posted online.
That did not stop you from continuing to ruin my reputation with our mutual friends.

But it's alright.
I'm no longer afraid of you.
I no longer care about you.
I am starting to desperately want to move on from this chapter of my life.
I do not hate you, it took two hands to clap after all.
It may take awhile to forgive you, but I'm sure I eventually will.

So today, I close the doors on this episode of my life.
Today, I will move on.
Today, I will start all over again.
It will be difficult, but I promise to keep trying.

so we said; thee, thee, hear. 23:04