fall for a stranger , scandalous❤.
mystery♥.
Nerissa Clarice Tan13th May
Simply adores curious clothes , quirky songs and funny shows .
Oh , did I mention ? She love/hates her favourite people too
oxox
those poets♥
the secrets underneath♥
dream like dreamers do♥.
A rainbow in the sky
The sound of your laughter in my ears .
just another crush♥.
This blogger henceforth shall attempt to write unashamedly,
Take lots of pictures without embarrassment,
And speak in a language you can understand.Not.
old records♥
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In 365 Days♥
"In 365 Days" is a photodiary I've decided to initiate, compiling day to day events with a snapshot of a moment of the day.
It is the snapshot of a minute in my life, that caught my eye, with a caption of sorts, either explaining the picture or describing my emotions.
I have been told that I never really open up myself to others, and more often than not, I leave people wondering what I truly feel or giving them confusing signals.
Thus, this photodiary, is in a sense, a window to my head.
All my thoughts, my emotions, everything I usually keep out-of-sight, will be put under here, other then my regular blog posts, which are usually not very informative.
Welcome, to the chaos and mess in my head. I hope you'd find something that speaks to you, whether to pull you through something difficult, or to relate to.
Welcome to 365 Days of my life.
In 365 Days
just ask♥
ask them questions
don't leave your answers
When You're Up All Night
Friday, 9 August 2013
Staying up makes me chance upon articles after articles written by complete strangers. Articles that reflect so much of me, that after reading, I smile and say, I know that feeling. They help me understand that I am not alone here, that there are people out there who are also going through or have went through the same struggles as I have. There are people out there who have made the same mistakes as I have, and still managed to survive and get through it and come out stronger at the end.
When I think of the twenty years of my life, I, myself, am surprised at the things that I've gone through. Not because I had thought I couldn't get through them, but because they are things that not many twenty-year-olds can say they've done. They aren't things that I am proud of. But they have shaped me into the person I am today. And for that I am eternally grateful.
With my body a ticking time-bomb, I haven't a clue how long I have left. I am not angry that my time may be shorter than everyone else's. But I am afraid. And sad. Afraid that I may not have enough time to say the things that I need to say, or do the things that I want to do. I am scared of being alone when it happens. Should it happen, and should no one be able to save me, I wish to at least be surrounded by the people I love. Even though it's a really selfish thing to wish.
Last night was a scary night, where for the first time, I had two attacks in a row. And everything just clicked into place and reality just hit me: I may not have the time I need to finish whatever I want or need to do. I called B, Ig and L and told them that I really do love and appreciate everything they've done for me. I told S and E the same, and their reactions were so predictable. HAHAH
I have yet to tell my parents, because I don't want to add on to their worries. As much as I know they have to been kept informed, right now, I just want things to settle down first before telling them about my worsening condition.
I came up with a list of people that I thought I should make peace with. Honestly, I think it's a win-win situation. If I made peace and I do go, at least I've made my peace. If I don't go, then well, my life would be happier wouldn't it?
Everyone's worried because I am unusually cheery about all of these. But I am honestly fine.
To you:
I hope you don't stay angry with me for too long. I know I came off presumptuous and pushy (or at least, I'd feel that way if I were in your shoes). I know I had said I would give you the time you need. But unfortunately things have turned out this way, and time is no longer mine to give. I do stand by what I said and if you think that I'm wrong, then feel free to correct me. I don't know if you'd even see this. And I am a coward for saying this here instead of facing you directly. I think it's sad how something good turned out bad in the end. And as much as I know that we both could do our own parts to turn the ending around, I also understand that it is up to our own free will. I just never liked stories with sad endings. Maybe that's why I still watch so many cartoons HAHAH! If it would make things easier, then I wish we never met.
Labels: In 365 Days, Reflection
so we said; thee, thee, hear. 11:58
The Words I Never Said
Monday, 5 August 2013
There are always a thousand and one things that I see, hear or simply notice that I wish I could share with you. But you're no longer here with me to share. Or rather, I no longer dare to share. Long gone are the days when we could talk to each other with an envious ease. But it's okay.
Everything happens for a reason. Some make us laugh, some make us cry. Some make us so furious, we feel like throwing a hissy fit in public. But after all our emotions die out and our mind takes over, we realize that we're going to be just fine. We can keep walking and laughing. We can keep living.
We were made to be stronger than we actually give ourselves credit for. Life is a really funny thing. We take one step and it pushes us two steps back. Some of us give up, some try again. Some of us choose a different path to walk instead. But it's okay. What matters most is we get to where we want to be at the end. What may have seemed like a wrong choice during our most difficult times, may sometimes turn out to bring us to the right places at the end. We are all a little broken, a little bruised, a little scarred. But it's alright. We were never meant to be perfect anyway. Perfection is a thing only meant for God.
One thing I need to keep in mind is that my background and circumstances may have influenced the person I am today. But where I go from here and the person I eventually become, depends on the choices I choose to make. I cannot blame anyone else if I fall and refuse to stand up. I, alone, am responsible for who I will become. I need to take it seriously and make my decisions wisely from here on.
I am afraid of what the future holds for me. There are also times where I look back and wonder if I had done things differently, would I be another person entirely? But my eyes are made in front for me to look forward and keep walking on.
I want to be a person that people hate because I am all the things they were afraid to do. And that person I will be. I only hope that I do not get hurt by the world out there too much that I decide to runaway again. I will face my fears head-on and just go. Because that is the person I am, reckless, headstrong, incredibly and infuriatingly stubborn. But I also am loyal, giving and crazily loving, even to people who sometimes don't deserve it. So I guess I evened out! Hahah
I wish things were different. But there is nothing left for me to do. Yes, my heart aches, but ah well, I've learnt that love is like this. Real love doesn't asks, but it simply gives. I don't do it right all the time, but I'm trying my best.
Beside, I've got crazy people in my life who bring me much joy and laughter everyday. Each dawn, there's something new to laugh at, to feel sad about, to learn from. Each new day seems like a crazy, roller-coaster adventure. And right now, I'm ready to take it on.
If thou remember'st not the slightest folly
That ever love did make thee run into,
Thou hast not loved.
That ever love did make thee run into,
Thou hast not loved.
- As You Like It, Shakespeare
Labels: In 365 Days
so we said; thee, thee, hear. 02:15